Question: who benefits when we are exhausted, overwhelmed and run ragged by our beloved work?

Answer: nobody – not our clients, and certainly not us!

You know, when I look back at the first few years of my coaching life – I seem to have believed that in order to make a go of my new career, I needed to be working WAY beyond my own actual time and energy capacity.

Eventually I ran out of energy and realized this wasn’t sustainable at ALL.

Here’s what I firmly believe: We are available to do our best, most effective and transformational work when we are fully living our most beautiful, authentic lives.

This does NOT mean that we have to have impeccable, “perfect” lives to be effective coaches. In fact, if “live it to give it” is a kind of coaching mantra (and for me it is) – then it’s worth considering what that might mean.

IF we truly desire to meet our clients where they are – in a place of true common humanity, empathy and compassion – then that has to include transparency about our own hard times, challenges and yes, even trauma, doesn’t it? Not only the good times.

As coaches, we may think we’ve “failed” – or we’ll be SEEN to have failed – if we have challenges. And, yet, that’s what life is all about – we know we’re truly alive when life happens around us, to us and for us.

And also – how very important it is that we define success for ourselves. Let’s not assume we already know what success will look like for us, because it won’t be the same as for anyone else.

So, for each of us, to deeply know our values – what matters most to us, and is most deeply held – is critical. This is how we find ease and flow and that wonderful sense of rightness – that we are comfortable in our skin, no longer feeling overwhelmed and on the verge of burnout.

Perfectionism – not our friend!

I worked in a very male-dominated world for decades. One of the side-effects was a strong sense of perfectionism. The idea that we are never good enough is pervasive, especially among women.

I love and honor my profession of coaching – AND I want all of us to be free of any toxic thinking about who we “should” be, and what we “should” be achieving.

Further up the page I placed the word “perfect”, referring to our lives, in inverted commas. Why?

Because my life IS perfect, in all its imperfection. We are fully and wholly human. The work we do – within our own capacity – MUST be enough – because its our work, and WE are enough.

Values; success; enough-ness and the end of shame; taking courage to be seen and witnessed just as we are – all will be addressed in The Art of Coaching!

Written by: Ali Duffey
View my bio.

You might be interested in The Art of Coaching mastermind group – launching next in November!

Today, I wanted to talk about about the CLARITY that we desire, (and NEED) as we grow and develop our coaching.

The sweet spot between the WORK WE LOVE TO DO and WHAT OUR CLIENTS ARE LOOKING FOR.

There’s a fundamental paradox between two schools of thought about our work:

Method One says that we make our work our own, never do anything we don’t want to do – only do work we LOVE. This is the “build it and they will come” method.

Method Two says it’s important that we do work that our potential CLIENTS actually want. That we can know our people – the ones who are looking for us to help them – inside out, so we can use their language, address their concerns, and meet them exactly where they are.

Method One

I was initially pretty much trained in Method One. Perhaps you were too. We got very good at coaching other coaches. We got very good at building the perfect coaching offers that would work for US, the coach. We reworked our branding and marketing, and we made offers – and, in response we got…crickets. Nada. Zilch. Or very little. 

Why? Because nobody actually knew, or cared, what we were doing. Because we didn’t find out what they wanted, and how they described what they wanted, and who they were, and what kept them awake at night… so it wasn’t really targeted at anyone!

Method Two

So now, I use Method Two. There are no guarantees of anything, of course – and this is where Vorth and Walue (see my last email) come in – because we NEED to know, and believe, that

1. Our work matters
2. Someone out there needs to see someone just like me delivering this message.
3. I’m building a large, meaningful body of work – nothing needs to be everything.
4. Nothing I do needs to be perfect to be good enough.

I believe these things implicitly, and they enable me – and ALL of us – to try, tweak, redirect, and try again, without becoming disheartened, and without giving up.

And, of course, I haven’t thrown Method One out completely – because I DON’T do any work I don’t love, ever. 

It’s just that the work I DO do, and the offers I make, are based on my clients’ experience, their stories, their desires, and their actual language.

To be clear, also, dear coaches, the work we do together in The Art of Coaching is not simply a nebulous, fuzzy exercise in good coaching practice (though we will address our coaching). 

It’s also a clear, uncompromising call to action and accountability. 

Why? Because people are hurting, and they need what we have, and someone out there is waiting for specifically what YOU have to offer. 

So let’s work together to support you in offering it.

Written by: Ali Duffey
View my bio.

You might be interested in The Art of Coaching mastermind group – launching next in November!