I was conducting a session with a lovely client of mine, the wonderful Camela, recently. As usual our conversation was wide-ranging, deep and beautiful.

We got on to the fraught topic of decluttering: as we’ve all been up close and personal with our homes in the last little while, I’ve noticed that many people are finding that they do not love their household objects – or at least, the preponderance of them – as much as they thought they did.

In the time we’ve worked together, Camela’s made excellent moves towards achieving the life she really wants for herself – and yet, when it comes to this… there’s one bag of clothes that has not yet made it out the door.

We talked about what it was – what set of beliefs or perspectives – that caused her resistance to just dealing with it, once and for all… as we all imagine we will, until we start, and then there’s an absolute litany of reasons/excuses/distractions and displacement activities that arise.

Camela told me she was getting stuck on the questions – “Should I go through the bag again? Do I REALLY want to get rid of this stuff?”

So I asked her “What’s the criterion for that? If you went through the bag again, what question would you be looking to answer?”

Camela: “Well – could I use this in the future? Would I wear this in the future? What if I regret throwing it out? Do I know someone who I’ll wish I’d given it to?”

Me: “Ah, the Crystal Ball Method. Excellent!”

Camela laughed – she saw through it in a second.

And really – good luck with being able to answer those questions!

But this is what we do. The coach Michael Neill says that what we fear – or dread, or would rather avoid – is not actually the UNKNOWN, but the “IMAGINED KNOWN”.

Camela’s “imagined known” here – what she’s trying to avoid – is regret, or wishing she’d done differently, or wasting money by having to buy the thing again – all reasons for future self-recrimination and blame.

The thing is – we can NEVER know the future. We simply can’t.

And we don’t ever have to, because we have a much better, stronger, wiser, navigation system. It’s called wisdom in the moment. THIS moment.

When our minds are busy attempting to predict the future, or protect us from an imagined, possible future event, then how can we possibly have a quiet mind?

How can we possibly access the quiet space within, where we find all insight and guidance?

We only ever need the wisdom and clarity that are available to us in THIS moment.

And this enables us to make good decisions, find peace, and move beyond anxiety and second-guessing.

Camela never actually needed to ask herself those questions. Her best option is always to come back to the present, and, from there, see what seems like the best move.

So, my friend, if you’re finding yourself reaching for YOUR crystal ball, remember that you have something much better, right here, right now – the ability to find clarity and wisdom by bringing your attention back home, here and now.

What if something you see as a failing is actually an exceptional gift?

SCANNERS is a term coined by the lovely Barbara Sher in her book Refuse to Choose.

She wrote that “some individuals cannot, and should not, decide on a single path; they are genetically wired to pursue many areas”.

Scanners are easily bored. We leave jobs, hobbies, cities, homes – not because we’re capricious, skittish, erratic hopeless cases – but because we got what we came for and are ready to move on!

It’s perhaps no coincidence that many of my clients, when I explain the scanner idea to them, relate to it, and are profoundly relieved and their burden lightened.

When I heard about it, a whole new sense of freedom and self-acceptance washed over me.

But really, Barbara Sher just came up with a word for what was always true.

We don’t need, in any way, to be improved or changed. However we choose to live our lives is fine.

And we may have multiple threads coursing through our lives. Everything’s always up for grabs, and we can choose a new path at any time.

I think of a client who works in a male-dominated, high-powered field.

She does her job really well, AND includes in that her personal mission to introduce compassion and a sense of introspection to the company, and in particular to help empower and support the women there.

Someone else found success working in the media, to her highest capability and satisfaction.

Then she pivoted and found a new purpose in creating healthy and nourishing beauty products, giving employment and support to underprivileged women.

I myself have had many, many career threads, the main ones being TV researcher, TV producer, film festival director, textile design consultant and, now, transformational coach and writer.

And what I’ve seen very clearly is that I bring ALL of myself – my history, skills, and gifts – to bear in each new thing. Nothing is wasted, nothing’s a mistake.

The world IS your oyster, my friend.

To think that we do not have full and magnificent potential is to believe the conditioned thinking we’ve internalized that does NOT serve us or encourage us to be fully expressed in the world.

That nagging “Life’s passing me by – what am I doing with my life?” feeling.

That awful “What if I’ve missed what I was put here to do?” feeling.

That “I have no idea what my purpose is, please help me find it” plea.

These are painful places to be, my friend, and I know all too well the impulse simply to avoid them, to distract ourselves from them.

I was trained to respond to these questions by putting clients through their paces, exploring personality type, childhood pastimes and so on.

These techniques can be helpful in the short term, BUT we’re really using them to try to find something that we already have, and that is NOT to be found where we’re looking.

This can be disappointing when we find that the change we want doesn’t seem to be sustainable.

---

Do you know that old story about the chap searching around under a street light? A passerby asks him what he’s looking for and he says he’s lost his keys.

The passerby joins in to help him look but after a while, when they haven’t found anything, asks “Where did you drop them exactly?”

The first fellow says, ‘Well I dropped them over there by my car, but the light’s better here”.

THIS is what the self-help industry, with the best intentions in the world, sometimes does.

Let’s not do that any more.

So when we look behind tools and techniques for finding the life we want – what’s there?

Here are a few things to play with:

1. Close your eyes for a second and just imagine that you, yes, you, are perfectly, impeccably made. That everything you desire, everything you love, is an intrinsic part of you and was absolutely intended to be there. That you’re not flawed or less-than-whole.

That might feel like a beautiful relief – or what might arise is a screed of “Yes, but…” thoughts. “Yes, but I am flawed because [this that or the other thing happened to me].” “Yes, but I don’t think it’s true”.

2. Try this on for size: everything after the “but” is not the truth. Here’s what is: You are not flawed – you are unharmed.

Let’s pretend for a minute that THIS is true. Allow your mind to settle – let those thoughts drift away like leaves floating downstream.

3. Turn your attention to these questions:

If it IS true that I’m perfectly made – what might life look like?

What might I be able to give myself permission to do or be?

I always want to point you, my friend, to where your wisdom and guidance actually ARE.

And to support you in learning to enjoy living that way, instead of thinking you’re somehow wrong, or on the wrong path.

We have limitless resources within us that enable us to create exactly what we want.

Once you see that you find your purpose in living it, everything looks different and life starts to be lived with ease and grace.