Finding Your Voice

Stop Swallowing Your Truth and Start Being Your Most Powerful Self

Finding Your Voice means finding yourself. It means finding your power. It means defining your boundaries. It means speaking up. It means contributing your ideas and gifts. It means flourishing, rising, thriving.

It means living as if you and your life are worthwhile; I believe that is true.

I believe that you matter.

I believe that your dreams and desires, your vision for your life and your work, your relationships, your fulfillment, your power – they matter.

I believe you can find self-expression.

I believe that you can manifest and create the vision that’s in your head for your life and work.

I believe you can find personal power in your relationships, in your work – in every area of your life.

I believe you can realize your ambitions and that it’s essential that you do (this is why you’re here!)

And here’s what’s most important: YOU can believe it too.

That’s what it means to find your voice.

Finding Your Voice means that yes, you can get to a place where you know that you matter, your truth matters, your words matter, your work matters and that all of it deserves a place in the world.

Finding Your Voice IS possible (and imminent). You can claim YOUR space in the world.

Here’s How Women LOSE Our Voices

I worked for many years in a male-dominated field – TV production.

I worked really hard and mostly kept my head above water. But I swear I was paddling harder than any man anywhere with whom I ever had a thing to do, even when I was their boss.

Then one day I was fired.

I didn’t see it coming; nobody could tell me why; I was shocked and horrified and grief-stricken.

Looking back, it was because I wasn’t a man – I didn’t play the game, I didn’t pretend to be dumber, less competent, less funny, less assertive, than the men I worked for. I challenged their decisions (with good reason and good evidence and respectfully). I didn’t act submissive and adoring around them. I didn’t apologize, stroke their egos, placate them, simper or flirt. I was straightforward and professional.

The shock of this firing wasn’t just financial, it wasn’t just about my career, it was about my place in this world as a woman.

The shock of it shut me up.

I started swallowing my voice, thinking I was wrong, thinking I needed to shut up, hiding my brains and my articulateness.

Ring a bell?

This happens to women every day, everywhere. In school, in the workplace, in our intimate relationships, in social situations, even on the street with strangers.

We’re trained from birth to be good girls who make other people feel comfortable. We’re trained to be smaller, quieter, more charming, work harder, but not flaunt our talent or skills.

And so we swallow our truths and our instincts in order to be good women, good girls, and not make anyone feel uncomfortable.

Even if it compromises our dreams, our desires, and sometimes even our safety.

Women and girls are trained to lose our voices.

So no wonder it’s so hard to find them again.

And here’s the thing: “voice” is a synonym for personal sovereignty.

When we don’t have a voice, we can’t make anything happen — not even for ourselves.

Finding Our Voice is how we make a place for ourselves in our own lives and in the world.

You deserve to find your voice. It’s transformative, it’s power, it’s yours.

Your voice is you.

Here are some signals that you might be swallowing your voice:

When you wake up at 3:00 AM knowing exactly what you should have said yesterday when a client, AGAIN, called you “Sweetie” instead of Ms. Jackson, or when your co-worker told a sexist joke as soon as you walked in the room, or when a guy you met for coffee commented on the appearance of other women in the coffee shop, or when a guy on the street whispered something demeaning to you as he passed you by, or, or, or…
When you say nothing in the meeting, even though you know the solution, because you’re so used to being ignored or passed over
When you don’t contribute your idea because you’re scared to be wrong or demeaned or criticized (that’s not your personal failing, by the way, it’s because women are not allowed to make mistakes)
When you don’t contradict your partner even though they’re wrong because you’re the relationship caregiver and so you “keep the peace”…but then you smolder with resentment
When you don’t make the witty wisecrack because you know men don’t like you to be funnier than them
When you don’t raise your hand in school even though you know the answer because it’s better not to seem too smart and especially not smarter than the boys
When you find yourself unable to speak up to male authority figures – doctors, lawyers, police officers, priests
When you just don’t bother trying to speak up in a discussion because you won’t be heard anyway
When you don’t express an opinion in case others argue and then you’ll be in the spotlight (and it’s uncomfortable and even dangerous for women to be visible)
When you’re in a sketchy situation and you find yourself placating men to stay safe; perhaps someone is harassing you, though they think it’s flirting; or someone is threatening you, though they think they’re entitled to your attention and compliance, and because you don’t want to embarrass them, and you want to stay alive, you smile and pretend to be sweet and you lie about an imaginary boyfriend
When you’re afraid of an emotional reaction to what you say, so you’d rather stay quiet than risk the discomfort of “upsetting someone”
When you’ve been bullied or demeaned for using your voice, so you stop
When you’re afraid you’ll be accused of being “too” – emotional, bossy, self-indulgent, crazy, infantile, angry, opinionated, confrontational…
When you find yourself EXPLODING with rage, frustration or an opinion that’s been held in for too long (the “exploding doormat”)
When you’ve been socialized to believe that little girls should be seen and not heard; should be sweet and submissive; must always respect their elders and betters; must not disagree in case they’re seen as disagreeable
When you can no longer even articulate your beliefs. You’ve swallowed your voice to the extent that you no longer know what you want to say.

If you experience these things, it’s an indicator that you’re swallowing your truth, your true desires, your purpose…

And that will make you miserable.

It also limits your personal growth, your career, and even the depth of your relationships.

When you don’t fully express yourself, you don’t rise in your career because you don’t claim space and ask for what you want.

You play very small.

You stop looking at and acknowledging and nurturing your dreams and desires because it’s too painful – so you look away and pretend everything’s okay.

But ultimately, you feel disappointed with yourself and with life.

You deny yourself the possibility of equal, flourishing, respectful relationships; instead, you perform relationships that are stagnant and fixed, rather than growing and dynamic.

At worst, you suffer from resentment and self-loathing.

Worst of all is what happens to your relationship with yourself; if you’re swallowing your truth, you shrivel up, you no longer trust yourself or have confidence in yourself, and you can sink into despair and hopelessness.

This is no way to live.

It’s painful, for all of us.

But here’s the thing: It’s never our fault. It’s our deeply ingrained cultural conditioning that’s at fault.

It’s not personal – it’s simply our reality.

We have not been shown how to find our voice.

Here’s how your life can be when you Find Your Voice:

You’re expressing yourself – you have real relationships, real connections
You are vulnerable and real, with strong, defended, boundaries
You can engage at a deeper level in all your relationships, personal and professional
You’re more confident and have more self-respect
You trust yourself again – your instincts, your desires, your choices
You have strategies to deal with conflict and opposition. You’re able to acknowledge your imperfections and offer up your voice anyway
You’re clear about who you are and what you want, and confident in your ability to figure out how to get it
You feel a stronger sense of connection with yourself – now you’re living in congruence and integrity and you can really access your own inner wisdom and inner voice
The “exploding doormat” syndrome ends – you’re free to speak or not speak, and you make that choice from a place of personal power and confidence.
You can calmly and confidently speak your truth while allowing others to have their own responses – you engage in adult transactions
You have an increased sense of purpose, of being on track to achieve your goals and your vision

When you discover what you want, super-clearly, then you can articulate it, commit to it wholeheartedly, and navigate toward it.

Now you have a voice. Now you know what to say. Now you know what to do. Now you have power and personal sovereignty.

And, listen up – this work does not come with any guarantee of comfort and ease. No – it’s hard and sometimes painful. When we stop swallowing our truth and use our voice, people might not like it. We’ll get push-back.

So we need to have a firm foundation of what we believe and what we know to be true, and we need to know how to handle that discomfort that comes when we do hard things.

But we don’t need to be afraid to do hard things – we can do them, and we feel better, ultimately, when we do.

To get there, though, we have to grow this speaking-up/knowing-you-matter muscle. It’s not something that women are trained to cultivate for ourselves, in our lives.

So we need to learn how, and practice, until it becomes automatic. We effectively need to violate our feminine conditioning.

That’s the work of Finding Your Voice.

It’s six months of ongoing coaching support; guidance, specific to your situation, so you can continue to train your Finding Your Voice muscle until it’s automatic.

The Finding Your Voice package consists of 2 hours of coaching per month, with text and email support and home exercises. It’s like working one-on-one with a trainer at the gym. You get ongoing support, encouragement, feedback and input that is tailored for your unique situation.

And it’s all about starting to unlock that voice that’s living right there in your throat.

Finding Your Voice Matters To Me, Deeply

I’m a professionally trained master certified coach, and also a professional writer and editor.

My life’s work has been to help people to express themselves and be heard, which I did for many years as a TV producer. I cared, deeply, in every story I worked on, about what we were saying and how we were saying it – were we using the best, most effective, clearest words possible? I helped people tell their stories and put them out into the world.

I was brought up in many different countries – I’m what’s known as a “third culture” person – one who creates their own culture because of not really belonging in any other. What this means is that I see the impact of various cultural influences really clearly, and can put them in context.

And it’s a reason I know that what women are dealing with is cultural, and why I’m uniquely suited to this work of finding our voices.

Because of how I grew up, my feminine conditioning differed from that of most women. I thought I was equal to anyone, and I rose to adulthood having not considered that I might not have the right to speak. So it was a shock to find, in the real world, that I didn’t.

Now, I see that outsider perspective as an enormous asset. I never became a sweet, compliant woman. I don’t fit into that mold.

And I’ve seen both sides: I’ve had a voice and I’ve lost my voice, and I know which one feels better.

I know the world will be a better place when we lift our voices.

Your life will be your own when you find your voice.

This burns inside of me. This work has to be done.

Here’s how Finding Your Voice works:

Finding Your Voice Package

A six-month package of ongoing, in-depth, tailored-for-you work to support you in developing your “find your voice” muscle in the ways that are most effective and powerful for your personal situation.

Your Finding Your Voice package includes:

Clarity Assessment – you’ll answer a series of incisive questions that begin the process of digging deep to find out who you really are, what you really want, and what’s getting in your way. The answers you provide will help us set compass points as we head into the next phase of your journey.

Twelve hours of powerful coaching, by Zoom or phone.

This six-month container is designed to support you in continuing to train your finding-your-voice muscle until it becomes automatic – it’s guidance, it’s specific to your situation, it’s like working with a personal trainer at the gym, with specific experiments and exercises for you to carry out between sessions.

It’s designed to help you access your deep and accurate wisdom and knowledge about what you want and who you are.

We’ll start with what you want, in the deep down core of your being. What burns within you to be expressed and lived?

We’ll discover and address what stops you from using your voice and speaking your truth, what you want to express and how you want to express it.

And we’ll get you to where you can say it.

Unlimited Email Support, text support, and additional ctach0up coaching calls – you can reach out for feedback or for guidance at any time to help you get back on track. That way, you don’t need to stay stuck for a minute longer than necessary.

The Details:

Step 1: We’ll jump on the phone for a Discovery Call, during which we’ll explore what you’re really looking for. Then, if we agree we’d like to work together, I’ll customize a package for you.

Step 2: Then you’ll make your payment and schedule your first session.

Step 3: You’ll receive an email confirming your session and giving you dial-in numbers and other information you’ll need.

Step 4: I’ll email your Clarity Assessment, which you’ll fill out at your leisure and return to me two days before your first session.

Step 5: Then we’ll conduct your first session and get you started on the road back to finding, owning and using your voice to achieve the life you want.

When you find your voice, here’s what happens; here’s how you get to show up in the world:

You’ll be able to speak up in meetings, so that you’ll become known as a leader, have input into your team, and rise in your career.
You’ll be able to speak up in your relationship so that you can truly relate to someone rather than performing the “good woman” role. You can be your own authentic self.
You’ll have strategies to handle confrontation, push-back and resistance from others so that you can stand strong in your truth. You’ll have practiced using your voice so you can speak from a centered, calm and assertive place.
You’ll be able to speak up for what you want with confidence and clarity, so that you succeed in very area of your life – in your business, financially, and personally.
You’ll have way more self-respect and will set clear firm boundaries around your time, desires and choices, so you can truly flourish as a woman in the world.
You’ll be able to articulate clearly who you are and what you want, so you can have healthier relationships with increased clarity.
In every area of your life you’ll be clear about how you choose to be treated and will have strategies to achieve that.

It’s time to stop swallowing your truth and start being your most powerful self.

Find your voice and you’ll find clarity, empowerment and momentum.

Find your voice and you’ll find yourself, your creativity, your power.

Find your voice and you’ll grow your career, grow your paycheck, grow your freedom.

Are you ready to start finding your voice, so that you can rise, flourish and thrive in every area of your life?

Book your free, no-obligation Discovery Call here!

P.S. A little note: If you found yourself reading what’s above, and realized you really don’t know what you want, and it’s hard to cut through the noise, the first thing to do might be to connect with your inner voice, to find the themes that might want to be excavated. This is Intuitive Guidance; it can help guide the trajectory of our coaching work, and can be a great place to start.

Questions before you jump in? Email me!